i · have · swallowed · god.

for that matter, how well do I allow me to know myself.

it seems i will always do as i have always done...take the easy way out.

if there is no easy way out i will conjure one from thin air as if by some slight of hand and convince myself (or perhaps i simply allow me to convince myself) that it is the correct course to persue.

how long can i lie to myself?? in a time and place where no one is promised tomorrow, the chance to see an old friend again, the next opportunity to be truly happy how long can i allow myself to stand at the edge of the cliff and talk myself out of taking the step off of it??

not only talk myself out of it, but making backing down the logical choice, untill time and with it the fear of the original risk's irrelevence takes its hold upon the matter.

how many squandered opportunities that many, including myself in retrospect would give life and limb for??

how long will i lie to myself and stand obtrusively in the way of my own life, and convince myself that it is right to do so.

i have become my own jailer and i live inside the bars and boundaries i set for myself, with no idea how the fuck i got this way.

I AM NOT FOR THIS ANYMORE, although i am certain to give into this again, maybe even before i lay my head down tonight. but every time i realise that this has become the fate of some situation, no matter how irrelevant it seems i will re-visit it if the chance is afforded me or i can synthesise it,

(however terribly cliched the next two lines are i feel like nothing of their importance is lost because of it.)

I WILL FOLLOW MY HEART

I WILL TAKE THE RISK.

-make sure you know where youre meeting the girl you're about to go out with (nearly fucked that one up)
-never regret your early tattoos
-but still...make sure you get better ones in future
-some good can come of showing people text messages from Breeny accusing them of being axe-murders
-beirut and some girls write sweet tunes
-the angel is the best pub in leeds
-sam smiths apline lager is sweet
-so is strawberry beer even though its expensive
-drinking strawberry beer off the table is apparently acceptable on some dates
-people with such a potential to be amazing can still let themselves down
-letting people know what they mean to you, even if they dont deserve it, is a really good thing.
-laughing is probably the most important thing ever, the first time you meet somebody
-drinking coke on dates is a better idea than nine pints of beer
-when a girl says "do you wanna stay??" the first time you go out, respectfully decline
-no judging/being judged for who they/you are is great
-the importance of not getting drunk/having sex/passing out/having to climb over her in the morning to take your fucking inhaler, is fucking paramount.

i had forgotten how much fun it is to learn things about complete strangers.
you might even learn something about yourself.

the end.

i finally have a topic!!! WOOT!

its all to do with nois-induced hearing loss, from shows and such

apparently anti-oxidants (from fuit or veg) help

...does this mean that we should all stick carrots in our ears at shows???

i guess i'll let you know :)

so here i am on the raggedy edge of my degree. I wish i could make it more important to me...but i cant, i'm trying to push for a 2:1 but i'll settle for a 2:2.

anyway, i have 2500 words due friday, and in order to procrastinate a little longer i thought i'd make one of my infrequent LJ posts just for fun :)

i miss you all by the way, i hope you know that. i'm goign to be holed up for the next 3 months in this library, so i wont really get to see you guys at all. until....september?? i'm so excited to hear what everyone is doing this summer!! i definitely plan on being better at keeping in touch while i'm away.

has anyone else noticed the hardcore scene breaking through these days?? its definitely gaining popularity on the back of bands like gallows and stuff. i love the values in hardcore, about friendship, not caring what other people think, standing up for whatever it is you believe in, and not letting your life pass you by. but whenever you get a scene breaking through, you get all the fucking retards that decide they can join a hardcore band. So many of these bands now, are leaning towards the darker negative side of hardcore, and i dont gte that at all, fair enough, life can be shit sometimes, and you should accept that and learn to deal with it as best you can...but fuck me, if all you can do when you pick up a microphone is yell about how shit life, people is/are and how much you want to fuck someone up/die, with no real take home message...put the fucking microphone DOWN! keep your hate to yourself, i dont know, maybe theyre all just hateful people and writing about it helps them deal with it. but i think, if youre not going to write music that makes a positive impact on peoples lives, then what are you doing?? american nightmare and this is hell can be dark without making me want to kill myself then why cant other people??

smile! that worlds not that fucking bad.

rant over. the end.

p.s. LOVEEE!

its one of those rare magical times again when i post in my livejournal

i dont even know why i'm writing in here, but never mind

i'm still working at camp in kentucky, this is the end of week 5 and i've ran around after/been woken up in the middle of the night by/ whined too every 5 minutes by/ and washed pee stained sheets of 8/9 year old boys, and its been awesome...i never thought i'd say that

i love this place, normally when i gte thrown in with a bunch of people i've never met before it doesnt go this well. but seriously i love everyone here

i miss you guys at home though, hope youre all doing fine

love always

hudson

but never mind, basically ive been wasting my life the last few weeks

working at subway and mooching around not doing any Uni work

the time has indeed come to knuckle down start drinking black coffee and hammer out 3 lab reports, and do some revision

its really not that much, and i should have done it 2 weeks ago, but its not really a cause for panic yet they arent due for another 2 weeks

I CANT WAIT TO GET AWAY FOR BAMBOOZLE!!

I ACTUALLY CANT, ive never been with a group as big as this (theres 7 of us), and i cant wait to see what crazy shit we end up in the middle of, cant wait for everyone to meet my jersey friends and vise versa

theres gonna be a lot of love in new jersey that weekend for sure, to go with a lot of awesome bands and a lot booze...basically its going to be incredible and (again) i cant wait

and my visa forms left NYC today so i can go and work at Camp Ernst, Ohio

thats goign to be a proper sweet deal, get paid to be a kid again, hit some shows, hit NYC on the way back, its going to be so rad

see everyone at give it a name next i guess

much love to you all

djh xx

i have my own cupboard in the kitchen now

the girls got annoyed with me using their stuff and not washing it up for like 2 weeks (understandable)

so i woke up one morning this week to find all my tuff shoved in a cupboard with a sign that said "Danny's stuff. p.s. keep the hell out of our cupboards"

so i took it down and put up a sign that say's Danny's special cupboard :)

its pretty funny...as i have this whole big cupboard just for my 2 sad little plates and 2 sad little saucepans, one of which has rusted beyond use...crockery shopping this week i think

the holidays have mostly involved me slobbing out in front of the couch because i have no money

and also going to work and getting covered head to toe in marinara sauce...to earn money

sounds pretty gay yeah??....it was

gayer still, is that one of the girls i live with has stopped speaking to me altogether, im not fully sure why, i know she gets pissed off when i dont do any washing up, but its maybe a little harsh to stop speaking to me altogether

so being at home in leeds is pretty awkward sometimes, cant wait for Cat to come home

even worse was that i only got to go home for 2 days, which were pretty awesome, ive never got on so well with my family, i ate loads, drank beer and watched tv, it was RAD

but i didnt get to hang out with any of my friends

and with the exception of bumping into (then latching onto) skye and sam i still havent seen any of my friends since Mid-december apart from the girls i live with (those that are still talking to me)

worse still is knowing that untill my exams are over in 10 days i STILL wont be seeing anyone

BUT.....

knowing that after the 15th i can basically fuck around go visit all my friends have my student loan and £600 of holiday wages is a pretty wonderful thing which is going to makethe last crappy month (except for a few days) feel like it was never there

heads up kids - see you soon